Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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