Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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