clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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