with your own penis?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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