She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
