you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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