super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
