I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
