I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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