Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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