I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
