Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
