Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
