Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
