So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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