If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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