It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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