I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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