how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize