Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
