I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
