They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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