well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
