So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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