It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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