So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
