Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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