I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
