i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
