So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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