forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
