do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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