I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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