well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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