Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
