Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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