Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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