It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
