Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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