Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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