Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
