I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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