i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
