i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
