I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
