I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
