We're like a lot better than the average bears
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
