I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
