I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
