I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
