I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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