Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
