new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
