We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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