we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
