U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize