just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
