I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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