I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize