we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize