well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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