What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
