Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
