I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
