I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
