She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
