She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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