look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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