My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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