i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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