My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
