Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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