Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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