It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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