I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
