Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
