Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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