I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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