Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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