how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize