just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
