Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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